Fat, rich, and forty

Sometimes, I am very much taken aback by the difference between how many of my Ghanaian neighbors see me and how I see myself. For example, here is an actual conversation I had the other day:


Neighbor: Why don't you have children?

Me: I don't want any now. Maybe later.

Neighbor: What?? If you wait, you will be too old! You will be an old lady!

Me: I don't think so...I would prefer to wait until I am in my thirties or so to have children.

Neighbor: What? You mean you aren't thirty already?

Me: No...

Neighbor: I thought you were at least forty.

Me: Not quite.

Neighbor: Then how did a young girl like you get to be SOOOOOO fat??


Good question, neighbor. Good question.

I have encounters like this fairly regularly. If you pay too much attention to these comments, they can wear away a bit at your self esteem. However, I know that nothing bad is meant by them. I'm pretty confident that I don't look forty, anyway, and no one means to insult me by calling me fat. At this point, I can totally laugh it off.

Many people--not everyone, by any means, but many people--feel free to draw conclusions about me, and how I behave, before I even speak. Once, a girl was trying to sell me some cologne. I had $0.75 in the house, just enough to cover my transportation to the bank to withdraw more money. Clearly, buying this cologne was not an option. However, when I told the woman that I didn't have any money, she flat out didn't believe me. Which, fair--it's certainly happened before that I've told someone I didn't have money to avoid purchasing something. However, I was definitely surprised by what she said next:

Cologne Girl: Oh, you, I know you are lying.

Me: No, I really don't have money.

Cologne Girl: Yes, you do. I can see it in your face. You have money in your face. Money in your eyes.


I don't feel particularly rich right now. And I do get frustrated when I get charged twice as much or more what a Ghanaian would be charged for a particular item, as happens on occasion. I feel offended that people feel like they can make assumptions about what's in my bank account based on what they see in my face. But also--they're not exactly wrong, usually. In a typical month, I do earn more than most everyone in my community. And yes, though I wish it wasn't, that information is very much written on my face. If an item is worth what a customer will pay for it, then why shouldn't people charge me more?

Anyway, for all that I sometimes get annoyed with being perceived as a rich, over-weight forty year old woman, sometimes people see other things in my face. They see that I'm not from around here, and perhaps need a little help, so they "dash" me free fruit or coconuts from their trees. They look at me and see that I'm frustrated, so they do what they can to help me carry heavy things. They look at me and see that I'm curious, so they invite me into their homes.

And if, while we are eating together, they can't quite guess how old I am--I guess that's okay.

These two gals, my neighbors and friends, looked into my face and realized I needed a new hairdo. Sadly it fell out almost immediately, but beforehand it was preserved in photo form forever.